Day 7; Wexford County, Ireland ~ Last day @ Monalea Barn
I woke determined...and READY to close this circle.
We met in the wheel, we gave gratidue to our ancestors and said so long for now to them. I weep as I speak these words as I come to realize saying "Goodbye" is hard for me.
Crying now as I share this deep vision and new understanding; I said thank you to my grandmother whom is always with me...and I saw with my knowing the why's of suffering on my mother's, mother's mother's line of energy and witnessed it weaving itself back together to heal. Words are limited when trying to explain what is unseen by our eyes. I saw the whole construction of 8 generations out from me...and how the feminine line of energy came to be and relates out in the world.
This is a beautiful piece to have right now...
As I move forward and continue. My real work is in the water of becoming. I was given up for adoption at birth. This is nothing I really feel pain over. I found my birth family on my own when I was 20. My adoptive parents were supportive. I realized through this journey that my adoptive parents were mine on purpose! LOL ~ Still as I have dug deep into the depths of my soul...she/I, the baby was confused and abandoned without language skills to tell everyone what assholes they were/are. Here I am...saying Goodbye struggling to let go of this womb like space and people. Heather said goodbye and by being (NOT MY MIND) was grabbing onto her as my soul could do nothing but weep the closer I got near her being. Breath...breathing... ~ ~ ~ My heart is open, my body pure and ready to rebuild. So my baby self and I say Goodbye with the knowing that I am here for her now, and I will not abandon her.
My feet now firmly planted on the wet soil. I was off to Kindle where I reserved a B n B for 2 nights...
A long drive though twisted roads...single lanes...I have a strong sense of direction...and here I have LOST that. The roads are confusing and leprechaun-isa. Hmmm...this energy again? Something is up.
Drove down into in Kindle, the B and B is odd...no one answers the door. Hello familiar feeling...I KNOW you now. LOL ~ Again, batteries dying on phone/GPS, feeling lost in a foreign place unsure of where my safety for the night will be. I check myself, tune in notice and honor my fear...as I rise within and rebound.
I remember seeing another B &B as I came into town so I went back and stopped there. This girl has always been bold! Knocking on the door, I am anxious. A woman answers the door she is a detailed person, I explain my situation...noticing within me a child searching for a yes response. She invites me in to sit which I do as I scope every inch of my surroundings for what, familiarity as saftey? She calls her friend who owns the B & B I had reserved- she leaves word. This woman has integrity and my mind recognizes this yet, my being is still unsure and insecure. We begin to chat as we wait for a ring back...she does remind me of my mother. I notice myself scared, shaking and unsure of what will happen and attached to her energetically. I see, feel and know a deep part of me wanting her approval so that I can feel safe. And that is real: I need a place to sleep my batteries are dying again. Here I am again. I want physical space from this so, I tell Valerie I will go into town and get some food until we know if there is a next step here ~ as soon as I claimed my desire for space...her phone rings...its the other B & B - stating it isn't open yet for the season...Valarie says to me, you can stay here. Again, the very minute I let go of my attachments to Valerie the energy moved. And her adorable husband helped me with my bag...thank goodness he's a big guy cause my bag is heavy!
I'd had enough emotionally so regretfully, I stayed in the room and skipped dinner - Preparing for bed...am I bleeding???? What is this...? No...can't be. I haven't bled in 10 months...Interesting.
~ The Mystic Agent