Another Gregorian calendar year is wrapping up, and as such, I wanted to weave together where the Mystic Agent Blog has been and where I am now with the current energies.
Astrologically, this year began in the North Node of Cancer and, for me, has been about the Discernment of Heart energies, also known as our "Social Identity," expressing itself in the polarities of Understanding vs. Judgment. What was clear to me from the start of 2019; "My heart wanted to SHOW ME MORE of ME." And WOW did it!
"HeART intelligence" is our exclusive touchstone to our feelings, to its "yes" and "no's." The profound question must be asked and answered before action; "Do I trust myself, and do I trust you?" Trust can behave as overly "open" [blindly sharing everything leaving nothing tucked away for the self] or "shut down"[so afraid; there is not enough and unwilling to be shared openly] and everything in between. It's DEEP F-ing WORK. The challenge I face sometimes is to be honest with myself when I know something is "off" and then to trust my KNOWING and speak to it. Trust is subtle energy; sometimes, I overlooked its messages, then later, the experience validates what I already knew but didn't say. Get it? However, I got better at it slowly!!! My #1 priority moving forward is to "unwaveringly honor myself and my emotions, as is!"
In this I wholly trust;
"Nature is not just, and it is exact. Every form of energy must be directed, must be applied with integrity to the full satisfaction of its destiny." It simply IS. Understanding is its ruler.
"Dark Waters," in theatre tomorrow painfully teaches that every human has a right & responsibility to BEWARE who, what, when, where, and how to engage with everyone and everything. In doing so, there will be no victims, only lessons learned.
As we move into 2020, question yourself. As highly sensitive Human instruments, we require self-diagnostic research to maintain fine-tuning. I recommend noticing your physical, feeling, and emotional responses as the best way to be honest with yourself so that, in turn, you can express your Heart's truth. Slowing down life's pace supports this profound listening. Avoidance and tolerance are red-flags waving within that say, "I need your immediate attention!"
December 3rd, I attended Tiffany Haddish's bat mitzvah celebration party. I heard and felt that internal warning before I decided to participate; it told me we needed to come together first and talk. Allow me, please, to call it a manic expression of the Tiffany I knew. In this room were my past works, relationships, and strangers benefiting from 12 years of dedication and creativity. It was, indeed, beautiful to witness from the perspective of a visionary intent come to life! I enjoyed telling people this "hurricane of success" came out of all that Tiffany and I created together. I am sure some did not like me claiming my space, nor do I care. I am not waiting anymore to validate the first 12 years of her career, which created the velocity you see today.
Sure enough, Tiffany thanked all the people who participated in her career. She began with the Laugh Factory owner and then me, she said: "Shannon McLaren, my first agent...SORRY!" As if to say, sorry, my success came in the 13th year, and you didn't get the benefit. The whole room laughed at the timing and the knowledge of the apparent loss. Literally. There it was, the pain and humiliation I feared in front of a group of people. I was devastated. The bottom line, this was my fault for not listening to my inner voice.
As I said, real healing comes from a place within, not from another's validation. Wholeness comes from doing the deep work I spoke about above; it certainly doesn't happen from bypassing our pain through "happy thoughts or energy-producing" nor by the validation of others. For those wondering, Tiffany and I talked about that night,...and we have had many long talks since. Trusting those inner notions first, direct conversations and forgiveness were my best tools for enrichment in 2019 and will give YOU MORE of YOU in unexpected ways.
So, in 2020, TAKE YOUR SPACE! GO AND GET IT, don't wait...what is the next logical step for you today? DO THAT!
I am so grateful to write and that you might relate to my experiences and wisdom. Blessings to all of you.
SPECIAL THANKS TO:
Photography by @exhibitphotopdx