IT HURTS and I LOVE YOU*

Updated: Dec 5, 2020

A deep desire to break free from a parent's heavy-handed control to embody the passions pulsating within is a natural impulse to freewill. We find it difficult to consciously acknowledge the cultivated internal pain we learn to bypass due to human alchemy, which rises from natal relationship dynamics. The developing brain and electromagnetic wiring oversee the Human Energy System, adapts to and entrains with our Parents. It receives an activation impulse before the logical mind understands what is happening.

Autonomy is an innate longing and a soul expression that wants to be lived out here on earth. It is the basis of self-esteem. Understanding and sensing personal energy attunement, discerning what things are meaningful, how creativity wants to come through, and where boundaries lay allows you to Create Your Life, Your Way! The good news here is you can acquire Autonomy at any point in your life.

At times it can feel as if the old driving thoughts and behaviors are unshakable. You might ask yourself, "What is the next right action when I don't know where "the self" begins and ends?" I want to feel like an autonomous Human Being without getting too messy. Is this possible?

Moving out and away from awful feelings can get messy because we don't logically understand the depths of "why" the relationship isn't working. Our mind then keeps repeating victimhood questions of "why," desperately searching for resolutions outside of ourselves. During the "change phase," even with forthright actions to grow independent, we will personalize and crumble in the face of "a beloved parent" because that child still emotionally wants nothing more than to be loved in a "nurturing way." I will add that we all deserve to receive love & attention from a parent who knows how to listen and respond while holding rapport and resonance.


Some might say, "why wouldn't you simply adjust the existing relationship rather than leave it?" This gets tricky. Because we are all sharing an energy field as one, there are unseen and unknown energetic attachments. So creating space for "Self Discovery" can become critical depending on the situation at hand. Ask anyone who kindly said, "I need to say this for myself, and it might be hard for you to hear" to their parent. Cracking open your heart doesn't mean anything will change for them. Ultimately we learn, you can not force another person to change their views or to accept yours.

Braving the vulnerability to say, "It hurts, and I love you.*"

Launching into that "Scavenger hunt for your Soul" and recollecting pieces of "the self" that you left behind is brilliant! Do that! You will slowly learn through trial and error how to create enough space for yourself to sense what is authentically right for you.

Noticing your responses to the actions, behaviors, and words of our parents, children, and loved ones is what we are trying to feel/sense from our mind/body system. Ask any mother who allows her son to go out in the world early without her. Or daughters who want to be honored by their mother rather than bossed around and spoken down to. The stories of multi-generational predatorial parenting are endless.

"It hurts, and I love you."


As you engage with self-development, reparenting, behavior modification and the unwinding stuck energy or past traumas, ​watch yourself​; do you get caught up in old stories and looping thoughts that justify your rightness? In Episode #3; What does Money have to do with it? We all know the real need for Money. Yet, can it be another "story" we tell ourselves to justify staying, resisting, or blaming?

"Hmmm. I love you, and this hurts."

Do you know that you can be in a conversation or circumstance AND sit outside of the experience witnessing it? Yes, there is more than one reality. And, there are an unlimited amount of perspectives, depending on where you stand and how broadly you can see. Begin by "Taking Your Space;" (The Holding Space Method™ created by Gary Strauss of Life Energy Institute) meaning have an awareness of the present moment's happenings as if you are sitting back and away from the event, witnessing it as an observer without opinions. Honoring "what is" not owning or taking a position on the event or other persons experience. That is our homework!

This process asks us to question our relatedness to people, places, things(circumstances, events, and inanimate objects); What do I notice while standing in this space? How do I feel in my body while in this circumstance or with this person? And it wants a truthful answer. Otherwise, we are lying to ourselves, which can continue systemic disorientation.

After wading through the risks, emotional nakedness, aloneness, perhaps moneyless, to starting over, relearning relational skills, you will begin to slowly express your truths. This new way of being and relating can feel strange; this new dynamic can be unsettling and tense. It might leave you uncertain of where you are in space relative to what you once knew. Cause it's ALL NEW. All of these changes change us.

"I Love you."

Our resonant energy field has also changed! This "field" is what attracts and compels those around us. It is a new frequency. Yet, those old friends and family members might not want to see the new us because it was never about us. ​It was always about their story.​ And, we might ask ourselves, ​"Did we need them to understand us at all?"Suddenly realizing, that wasn't even their story; instead, it was their parents' story handed down multi-generationally.

Carl Jung quote;

"The ​greatest burdena child must bear is the unlived life of its parents."

When you are not attached to the outcome, you might understand how the other person came to be and how they want to be. You might see and feel compassion for the other person's point of view and their life story. And in the end, an emotionally Mature Man(Human) might realize, "We are in this together."


"I Love you. And, I understand."

In this ONE shift of perspective, multi-generations of pain, and suffering heals. Aho’!


*quoted by Adrian Sothis

#parents #parenting #trauma #growingup #breakingthecycle #childhood #raisingachild #mentalhealth #reflection #selfreflection #childhoodtrauma #beabetterparent

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